So, how did I get here? The honest truth is the idea of an around-the-world trip was my only solace when staring down the upsetting reality of severance from WarnerMedia. After the merger with Discovery, my position in Treasury was eliminated. Still, they asked me to extend to help with the merger integration, so I did. But, during the year extension, I had lots of time to think about my severance and leaving the Company. I knew the exit package would afford me a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do and experience many things I couldn’t while working full-time. So, this trip was the bright side to losing my job. Whenever I worried about being laid off, I worked on the trip. It was a great distraction from facing the fear of leaving the only job I’d ever known and an identity that I leaned on to build myself up to be much more significant and important than I am. Day after day, the trip came together as if I was predestined to do it. One thing led to another, then another, and before I knew it, I had a spreadsheet with 30+ rows of a job break-up trip and an inbox full of travel confirmations. But it’s not all about sulking over a lost job.

For the past several days, separation has been a recurring theme. I started to notice while observing my dog, Hattie, when we began packing to go to Mom and Dad’s for Christmas. Whenever my luggage comes out of storage, Hattie goes into full-on stalker mode. She watches my every move, always right under my feet.  If I even look at the door, she bolts to the mat to plant herself stubbornly between me and the threshold. She does NOT want to be left behind. And I can tell being abandoned weighs on her a lot. So much so that it’s been one of my biggest concerns about being away for so long. When sharing my plans for an around-the-world (ATW) trip with friends and family, the first question was always, “What are you doing with Hattie?” 

I hated that question because I didn’t really like thinking about leaving her for so long. Plus, my guilt and insecurities would always hear a tone of judgment for abandoning my child for such a selfish reason.  

But it got me thinking: why do we experience such anxiety around separation? 

Looking back at this question in terms of our beloved fur babies, what fears do they have that cause them to have such complex separation emotions? Is it a survival instinct — “The person who feeds me is leaving?” Is it protection —”Who will keep me safe while they’re away?” Is it attachment — “I can only feel good when my human is around?” I don’t know, perhaps it’s all three reasons?  

As I struggled down the front steps, juggling my luggage, duffle bag, and backpack, towards the rideshare parked out front in the dark, Hattie jumped into the window seat, as she does whenever I walk out the front door. But, this time, she barked at me in a loud and angry panic. She knew this time was different, and it broke my heart. I tapped on the window, looked into her confused eyes, and said, “I love you, Hattie. I’ll be back, please don’t be upset. You’re such a good, brave girl.” As I looked at her sweet face, tears swelled in my eyes, and I could feel a shaky convulsion in my chest. Oh shit! I’m going to lose it, and I really can’t do this now. Luckily, the driver interrupted to take my big roller bag toward the open trunk. Like the cure for hiccups, the scare quelled what was sure to be a sloppy, snotty boy cry. I got into the car and buckled up. But as we pulled away, I got an urgent iPhone alert from one of the four AirTags I strategically placed on everything I treasured the night before that “HATTIE was left behind.” Oh God! 

The tears, the convulsions, DO NOT lose it in this Uber Cal – it will ruin your 5-star rating!  

Why is leaving this time so emotional? I have a feeling it’s not just about leaving Hattie.

As far as my anxiety about the trip, I’ve never been away from home this long. And I’ve never really had the DESIRE to be away this long. A few weeks ago, while loving life during Willis’ birthday trip to Belize, I started missing my bed, dog, home, and family. And I was only gone a week!

What in the hell am I thinking, being away for three months?

Human fear of separation is the same as Hattie’s, except it’s hard to assure a dog through blog posts and texts that you are happy, safe, and will be back soon. In many ways, I’m like Hattie in the window. I’m anxious about separation from a workplace I enjoyed for 25 years; I fear I could lose the comforts I’ve come to enjoy if I don’t find a new job before this severance runs out. I’m scared that without my friends, I’ll get lonely and depressed, and most of all, I worry every day about losing my parents to the severe health issues they bravely face.

But our happiness can’t solely depend on who or what is around us. Because people and things can leave or be taken away. 

And sadly, an AirTag won’t always help us retrieve what’s been lost. But, one thing we can hold on to is ourselves.

We must love and care enough for ourselves to be confident that we’re strong enough to be alone, resilient enough to weather the storm, and happy with who we are that time alone ain’t that bad. 

I’m taking this journey for many reasons, one of which is to separate, for a while anyway. We all need that sometimes, especially during times of change and transition. It’s important to step away from our lives, jobs, comforts, and even those we love and treasure. We need to see things from a different perspective, through new lenses. 

I’ve lost some of what makes me different and unique, and it’s time to bring him back.

When I work with my trainer, we isolate muscles to work them, stretch them, and make them stronger. I similarly see this journey. I’m isolating myself for a short time to work on myself, invest in myself, and rediscover who I am — at my core. I’ve lost some of what makes me different and unique, and it’s time to bring him back. Especially if I seek a new profession that I will enjoy until retirement. I’m determined that the next chapter will be even better. That is why I’m sitting on this plane; that is the purpose of this journey.  

So I’m tapping on the window, looking into your confused eyes, saying, “I love you. I’ll be back stronger and better, please don’t be upset.”