On the group’s first night out, we met for dinner at an outdoor traditional Thai restaurant called The White House. It was a very charming bungalow-styled restaurant you may find in Key West. It had big sweeping verandas that butted up to the loud and smelly street of a busy tourist area of Bangkok well known for its party scene. The strings of romantic white garden lights that danced haphazardly across the ceiling were a peaceful juxtaposition to the Tuk Tuk and traffic noise and chaos.

Our group leader, Ollie, ordered a selection of Thai dishes that came out family-style. Everyone was starved, so there was no shyness in digging right in, filling our plates with fried rice, red curry chicken, beans, etc. This was our first meal together, so we all were chatting across and down the table, finding people and places in common. Finding mutual interests is essential since we’re stuck with one another for the next eleven days. For those of you like me who have never done a gay adventure tour before, they are the opposite of the 5,000+ gay party cruises that often make international news for all the wrong reasons. Gay adventure tour groups are known for being an older-skewing, affluent menagerie of LGBT, and this group fits the profile. Although the tour company welcomes all – hetero, homo, men, women, and all those in between, this group happens to be all gay men. The eleven men hail from the US and Canada and are of various relationship statuses. There’s a married couple, together for 37 years, a friend threesome from Sacramento, and six solo travelers from all over.

During dinner, I was so busy running my mouth, buzzed from too much wine, that I didn’t notice the green beans and carrot dish were actually green beans mixed with whole Thai hot peppers! I took a big bite, crunching through the al dente beans, savoring the garlic and sesame seeds. Then, I started to feel something unexpected. My tongue began to burn like I was chewing acid. My sinuses awoke with shock, immediately overwhelmed with the smell of pepper. My eyes poured tears, and a flood of mucus ran from my nose as if it were escaping a fire. It didn’t take long for my new friends to notice something was wrong. “Are you okay, Cal?” I choked as I explained; I ate a scorching hot pepper. My mouth was on fire and the intensity was ratcheting up, sweat was pouring from places I’d never sweat before, and my mind was racing through my next options: spit or swallow?

If I were with close friends, I would spit it into a napkin without hesitation, but surrounded by people I didn’t know, I thought it to be a disgusting first impression – plus, if you’ve ever been to Asia, the napkins they use are the size and thickness of a cheap square of toilet paper. I had no choice but to swallow the lava ball down into my gut. A few seconds later, panic set in as I realized I had no idea what damage that pepper would cause as it made its way to the exit. I’m in uncharted territory and about 20 minutes from the comfort of my hotel bathroom.

I had two unpleasant choices: spit or swallow

After dinner, we slipped into the streets and chaotic Bangkok nightlife.
Our guide took us into a few of his favorite bars to watch a ladyboy cabaret show and get a feel for the scene. As we walked down the narrow street, club barkers jumped into our path to hold up drink menus or pictures from all kinds of entertainment behind their doors. And I do mean ALL KINDS. There’s no need to go into great detail here, but a couple that stood out involved ping pong balls, and another featured an enormous bubble bath.

As the night progressed, my body reminded me that not only did I eat an entire Thai hot pepper, but I was still adjusting to air pressure changes resulting from 19 hours in a pressurized tube flying at 30,000+ feet. Resolving one problem could create another, much worse situation. Images of that street scene in “Bridesmaids” flashed before me. I decided to follow a rule that has served me well over the years: Thou shall not gamble and lose. I made my excuses and began fading from the group. Fortunately, I wasn’t the only one wanting to retire, so several of us started our trek back to the hotel.

While going through my evening routine and settling into bed, I reflected upon the lessons from the night. I never would have intentionally eaten that hot pepper; I knew they were hot, and I didn’t like that much spice and heat. But, in the end, I’m glad that I did. You see, now I know that I can eat a Thai hot pepper, and should one disguise itself as a carrot or bell pepper, I know what to do and that I will survive it. Maybe I’ll even eat some of those chopped ones that float on top of a soup or placed as a garnish to a spicy dish. Perhaps I’ll even ask for dishes with two or three pepper indications on the menu.

As we mature in our lives and careers, we lean on lists of lessons learned to avoid mistakes of the past. But, as we get older, situations, tastes, and consequences change, so it’s okay to take a risk you’ve avoided in the past. Ask yourself, what’s the worst that can happen? If there’s no risk to life or limb, maybe we should try it again, eat the Thai Hot Pepper, kick life up a notch.